this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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