Well douche your snatch and let's go!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They have beer where we have blood.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
