I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
