is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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