I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
