I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
