hotel room ftw
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
party gras won. party gras always wins.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
