I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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