I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
