Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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