Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
