You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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