Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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