dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
