Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
