you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
