Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Are we still banned from the library?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
