i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
