Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
false alarm, still single
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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