Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
