No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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