you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
