maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
