I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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