She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
