You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
