last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
