I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've blown a few things in my day
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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