i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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