so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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