i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
