I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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