I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
