I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
