he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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