whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
