I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
