she looked like the before picture.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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