I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
