He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
