He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm too high and old for this...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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