Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
