I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
