Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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