Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just tell him i said nine months
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
