I am spending my child support on dildos
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
