Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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