Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
