i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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