It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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