ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
