I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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