Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
