I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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