Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
